Round 2 AFL Preview

Last Week 6/9     Season Total 6/9

Carlton vs Geelong         MCG      Thursday Night

Did Carlton let it slip last week?  Are Geelong too old…again?  These are the questions that have been pondered for the week by all of the expert analysts.  In reality the problem for both teams was Ed Sheeran.  Not a problem in the sense that Ed was bursting out of the forward line on a tearing lead and slotting goals from all over the 50 arc.  No, Ed works in more insidious ways by infesting the ears of the commonfolk with catchy tunes and pithy lyrics such that they gather in masses in giant paddocks stomping and killing lawn and generally making it hard to play a game of footy a week later.  What does this have to do with this weeks match?  Not a lot really, but it was good to get my thought about that Sheeran jerk out in the open (actually, your correspondent kinda likes those catchy tunes and pithy lyrics…again, jerk!)  Both Carlton and Geelong will be keen to NOT start the season without a win after 2 matches, but sadly for Carlton, I don’t think they have the ability that Geelong have to score.  Geelong by 21.


Brisbane vs Melbourne                Gabba   Friday Night

Brisbane will be glad to get back to their home soil and put last weeks debacle against Port behind them.  I did say that the statistics usually show Port thumping Brisbane at Adelaide Oval so I can walk around with my chest puffed out on that one.  Melbourne were at their devastating best against the Bulldogs who it would seem have no answer to Melbournes run in the last few seasons.  This is a tantalizing match up as it potentially could be an early look at this years Grand Final.  Brisbane will need a solid plan to counter the Gawn/Grundy/Oliver/Petracca combination, or at least a well trained individual on the top of the Clem Jones stand with a high powered rifle.  I just don’t think that Brisbane have the manpower or callousness to execute either of those options so it’s Melbourne by 16 for me.


Collingwood vs Port Adelaide   MCG      Saturday Morning

Both Collingwood and Port were big winners from the weekend.  The Pies rolled the reigning premiers with one of their trademark come-from-behind victories and Port turned a match against premiership contenders into a training run.  This match is at the MCG which is perhaps a good thing for Port Adelaide as they have a favourable record against the Pies at that venue.  Opposed to Marvel where the Pies generally beat Port Adelaide.  Early season form is both the hardest to pick and the hardest to maintain.  Were Port that good or did Brisbane contribute to that?  Collingwood, we know play quite consistently, but their free-flowing style can leave them open to being exploited and Port have the cattle to do this.  At the risk of actually sounding like I know what I’m talking about, I’ll pick Port Adelaide by 25.


Adelaide vs Richmond  Adelaide Oval   Saturday Afternoon

Richmond looked back to their old selves on the weekend with manic run and locking the ball into their forward half.  Meanwhile, Adelaide were strong early, but eventually overcome by a very determined GWS outfit.  When you are involved in a drawn game, there are generally two ways you can feel about it; that it was an opportunity lost, or that it was ok by you.  Usually this is related directly to whether you coughed up the lead or snuck up from behind.  Richmond, being in the latter of that conundrum will have had a pretty settled week, despite not registering a win.  Adelaide, on the other hand, have been embroiled in bump controversy, tribunal hearings and appeals which are an unwanted distraction so early in your campaign.  My personal thoughts are after a lead up week of discussing potential legal challenges for past players CTE’s, current player welfare and concussion in general, Adelaide should have just accepted things and moved on.  Appealing the decision, if they get away with it, would have dire consequences for the league in the future.  I think I’m rambling now and putting my nose into places it doesn’t belong.  McAdam will be practicing his slam dancing techniques at home in future I think.  Richmond by 11.


Western Bulldogs vs Saint Kilda         Marvel Stadium               Saturday Night

Remember that scene in Superman when that ‘diseased maniac’ Lex Luthor gets Superman to wear that Kryptonite necklace.  I’m reminded of it whenever the Dogs play Melbourne.  What Footscray need now is their very own Miss Teschmacher to dive in and save them.  Enter Ross Lyon…perhaps not as attractive, but with the same net gain.  Ross was up to his old tricks last weekend by taking a rag-tag group of immature boys out to play with a big fish and dragging the game down into a scrappy affair that not even light has the energy to escape from.  As wiley as he is, I don’t think he has the manpower to beat the boys from the Western Suburbs.  Did anyone else hold great concerns for Bailey Smith’s beautiful face when Kozi Pickett tried to widen it?  Bulldogs by 31 points.


Fremantle vs Nth Melbourne    Perth Stadium   Saturday Night

Flagmantle is over.  After just one round, the experts have written off Fremantle and also weighed in on the Fyfe Forward Flurry with commentary so strong it sounds like Fremantle are destined to finish no higher than 20th!  But they’ll still be above West Coast so their fans will be happy.  On the other side of the coin, North Melbourne, led by a plucky recruit who is known as The Cheezel, were so awesome in their narrow win over West Coast (the team destined to finish 21st out of 18) that the press practically have them walking home with the cup!  It’s hard to take the experts seriously with some of the comments they come up with sometimes.  One thing is for sure, because Cheezels don’t currently have a marketing campaign, Harry Sheezels management should be reaching out this week.  Can he use their tagline? “Harry Sheezel is finger-licious fun.”  Hmmm, maybe not.  I can also see a link with a Hairy Cheezel which might be a euphemism for something entirely different.  Anyway…enough of the tasty snack delights.  Fremantle will bounce back, it will be a fabulous flying Fyfe five and next week the experts will be talking Flagmantle again.  A reality check for the Kangaroos and Alastair’s job will be in jeopardy according to the experts.  Fremantle by 34 points.


Sydney vs Hawthorn      SCG        Sunday Morning

Sydney were awesome last week.  Hawthorn were deplorable.  A forced rest for a battle weary Lance Franklin.  Nothing else really to say as this will only hold interest for the magnitude of the margin.  Long year for Hawks fans ahead.  Sydney by 97 points.


Essendon vs Gold Coast                Marvel Stadium               Sunday Afternoon

Essendon were insatiable last week.  A new coach at the helm and bit of bravado and they put the Hawthorn Under-18’s to the sword early enough to show some party tricks in the end.  The view is good from the top of the ladder.  Gold Coast on the other hand were out-classed, out-gunned, out-maneuvered and out of the eight.  They will be disappointed and want to bounce back quickly.  This is a tough game to pick as Essendon are reasonably talented and so are Gold Coast, but in the end neither team will be around at the pointy end so why bother playing at all?  Essendon by 18 points.


West Coast vs GWS        Perth Stadium   Sunday Twilight

Finishing up Round 2 will be a twilight game between West Coast and GWS.  West Coast were so bad in patches last week that they even made North Melbourne look good.  GWS were stunning to turn around that match in that heat and pull off a comfortable victory.  Two games scheduled back-to-back on the Perth Stadium surface which has been completely replaced after Ed Sheerans fans (known as Sheerios) did what they do best and completely ‘F’ up a paddock.  West Coast fans don’t tolerate being cellar dwellers and the fact that Adam Simpson is still at the helm with 2-27 record beggars belief as the rabid supporter-base usually start sending death threats after 2 straight losses.  The risk here is the Sheerio effect with potential for PCLs, ACLs, Syndesmosis, Planar Fasciitis, adductors and all manner of other strange words we’ve had to become experts in as casual observes over the years.  I can’t see GWS letting this one slip…but I’m always open to surprises.  GWS by 41 points.


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