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Round 5 Preview

  Last Week           4/8           Season Total      20/36 (barely better than 50%)! Not that exciting a round last week.   There was one thrilling game in Adelaide and that’s reason enough to ensure all games are in Adelaide this week.   That’s right, it’s Gather Round.   Or rather this year, “spend $8.3B on fuel” Round.   Ok, maybe the Easter Monday game was a bit exciting too.   Just a bit. But this week I want to take aim at Kayo.   Maybe someone can see that someone in power at Kayo/Foxtel gets this.   A couple of weeks ago they did an upgrade to their App and the user experience.   I don’t want to mince words, and I don’t know what other feedback they have been getting but it is hands down the worst piece of crap I have ever experienced.   I would rather suffer paper cuts to my eyeballs than use that App...

Round 4 Preview

Last Week           3/7           Season Total      16/28 Let’s not talk about what’s going on in the world this week.   Needless to say, it’s not great and I don’t think it will improve until we get intelligent and reasonable people in positions of power which only happens once every few generations or so. I did fuel up the car on the weekend though, after taking out a second mortgage and selling my children into slavery. The main topic of note for this week is that Kylie Minogue was announced as the Grand Final entertainment for this year.   Who knows what she’ll sing.   She has a long song list, and I’ll do my best to weave them into my predictions.   The way the world is going at the moment, she should open with Things Can Only Get Better , but my issue with this is that concept violates the second law of thermodynamics which shows th...

Round 3 Preview

Last Week           4/7           Season Total      13/21 The economic and global crises we are facing continue unabated.   We can all hope that someone gets bored of it soon, or they’ve made enough money in the ensuing profiteering phase, and everything can return to normal and we can all afford to take the car out for a trip to the local chemist again.   I accidentally paid $9 for a punnet of strawberries the other day.   I was outraged enough to plant the seeds myself.   Now I can grow my own strawberries and also package them in groups of composite numbers, rather than primes. The fact there is footy on keeps surprising me.   I think because we have Opening Round and then bye rounds, it doesn’t really feel like the season has started yet.   And so, to my surprise, here are the tips for this week. Geelong vs Adelaide  ...

Round 2 Preview

Last Week           6/9           Season Total      9/14 The world just isn’t improving.   It turns out that being an Australian doesn’t mean you help out a mate in their time of need.   Instead, being Australian means, you become a selfish fuel hoarding panic merchant.   Where did we go so wrong?   Preaching Over. It was good to see all the teams playing this weekend.   The controversy over Opening Round continues.   The additional imbalance in the game that no-one wants and no-one needs.   The fact they scheduled a match in Melbourne really topped it.   That’s the nail in the coffin really.   That’s the point where you question the goals of the board.   They’re not isolating the Northern States anymore to promote and grow.   They’re grabbing cash.   I don’t blame them.   Securing your bonus ear...

Round 1 Preview

Last Week           3/5           Season Total      3/5 The first week (or is it the zeroth week?) of footy has been played.  The ladder is already taking shape, albeit in the shape of a lop-sided elephant with only 2 legs and a small human-like nose. Interestingly, I put those parameters into an AI image generator, and it came back with a picture of the AFL Ladder!  Meanwhile, the CEO of the Board of Peace has started a war which makes me think someone should check the pre-requisites for that position.  Fuel prices are sky-rocketing and so people are getting in fights at petrol stations and the ability to buy a jerrycan is severely diminished.  Toilet paper is still available… for now.  If you’ve got an electric car, you’re safe until the AI chips inside them start crashing them into petrol stations to make life even harder for the comm...

Round 0/Opening Round Preview 2026

Last Week           0/0          Season Total      0/0   It’s official, the world has gone to the crapper.   Luckily, we can all choose a simple life and just watch the footy, which has returned this week after its annual hiatus.   I trust you were able to have a good off-season and catch up with family to the point that they’ve had enough of you and will leave you alone for the following 20-something weeks.   I say “20-something” as I really don’t know how long the season is anymore.   Firstly, we start counting at zero, I think, then some teams don’t start at zero and it seems like those teams only get one bye.   And now there’s some kind of wildcard round in play for some teams and so it all gets a bit confusing.   I feel like the following may be true:   Number of matches in a season played by any one team is equal to...

2026 Pre-Season Analysis

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I was flat out trying to work out how I can bequeath my meagre wealth to Collingwood (luckily they provided me with a step by step guide) because I’m pretty sure that in the current economic climate it would be of no use to any of my dear family, when I had the sudden realization that the season starts in less than two weeks! I tried to enjoy the T20 World Cup, but it turns out the Australian Team have the skill of a sack of potatoes, and I found the Winter Olympics frustrating to watch.   Given the time of night it is on, I am consigned to watching the highlights.   I find it frustrating that Channel 9 doesn’t recognise that any other countries exist.   I can enjoy watching Australia, but when you get to see them crash out into last place and they don’t show you a world record setting run, I get annoyed. A highlight though was the State of Origin.   It was a well received, well supported contest and we look forward to another installment next year.   A tick...