Round 4 AFL Preview

Last Week - 6/9                  Season Total - 15/27

Brisbane vs Collingwood              Gabba   Thursday Night

Brisbane turned in a lackluster performance last week against the desperate dogs and will be keen to get back to the ‘Gabbatoir’ and attempt to give the red hot Pies a mauling.  Collingwood on the other hand, dispatched Richmond in the wet.  It was always dangerous playing Richmond as I have a long-held theory that injuries are like a contagious disease.  Richmond like playing unclean football and now due to a lack of hygiene protocols, Collingwood is without a recognized ruckman for the next few weeks.  If only they had a Brodie Grundy they could call upon!?  Instead they will be plumbing new depths to solve this ruck crisis so don’t be surprised to see an odd looking homunculus standing in the centre square at bouncedown.  They should see if Monkhorst can call in sick at Hawthorn for the week?  I think the Pies will be pretty good at sharking the ruck, but Brisbane at home is a tall order of its own.  Brisbane by 23 points.


North Melbourne vs Carlton      Marvel Stadium               Friday Night

North Melbourne crashed back to earth with a loss to fellow Tasmanian tenants, Hawthorn.  Sounds like it was a smart move by Clarko to get a different flight as things could have been quite awkward otherwise.  Carlton got up with a fine victory against GWS on their home patch with the added dissent controversy being a nice side play to take the focus off people talking about their woeful accuracy.  This week, Carlton will be too strong for North Melbourne, even if they do welcome back Davies-Unack Davis-Uncl Davros Unclear LDU who apparently only became aware he had calves on the weekend. Honestly, muscle awareness is a ridiculous title for withdrawing a player from a match.  Ever watch a newborn baby when they first discover their hand is part of them?  I can only imagine LDU bending his leg in amazement and perhaps trying to run away from his own calves until he finally realises he can’t escape.  Perhaps I shouldn’t be so harsh.  In my own illustrious footy career, I tore my calf twelve times.  If only I knew they were a part of me, I may have looked after them better.  Carlton by 35 points


Adelaide vs Fremantle  Adelaide Oval   Saturday Afternoon

The Showdown and The Derby winners will face off against each other to determine who is best.  It was a great victory by both teams and they both showed similar storylines by both kicking the last 6 goals of their respective matches.  Hang on, what am I uncovering here?  The last 6 goals, a goal is worth 6 points, neither team had #18 playing for them, which is 6+6+6 (or 666 – the number of the beast).  I smell a grand conspiracy here.  I’m turning off my 5G and moving at least 15 minutes out of the city before this match starts.  Adelaide by 22 points. And it will be a forlorn Fremantle for Fyfe’s fiddly fasciitis (forgetting Frederick’s fancy flip).


Richmond vs Western Bulldogs MCG      Saturday Afternoon

Richmond had more injuries last week than a busload of losing MMA fighters.  If not for some inaccurate Pies the game would have been closed out by quarter time.  But they were let in and, although not really threatening, they did make the game more interesting to watch.  Readers will note I picked the winner and the margin in that one – but please don’t level that kind of analysis at ALL my tips!  Actually you CAN level that kind of analysis at one more game.  I did tip the winner and margin in the Bulldogs game too…if you don’t count Ugle Hagan’s after-the-siren goal.  As we learnt from the week before, events that happen after the siren are kind of a grey area in the rules anyway.  I liked that Ugle Hagan got out in the press conference too.  Letting his thoughts known about the ugliness the week before and generally, I think having a player at the table with the coach makes the pressers a bit more interesting.  But, to this weeks game and Richmond will get some of their cattle back, but maybe Footscrays win was one of those ‘catalysts’ a season needs.  I like Dogs in this one, but not confidently.  W. Bulldogs by 8.


Saint Kilda vs Gold Coast             Marvel Stadium               Saturday Night

Fresh from a celebration of 150 years for the club and a nice win to boot which puts them on top of the ladder means that everything is just peachy down at Moorabbin.  It was great to see the likes of Winmar and Lockett be able to celebrate the club milestone.  These were footy stars when I was growing up.  I can still remember watching with awe on the TV when Lockett kicked 16.0 against Fitzroy (albeit while playing for Sydney).  Gold Coast gave premiers, Geelong a whipping and consigned them to the foot of the ladder as the only team winless for 2023.  Gold Coast looked pretty good and had some party tricks with a precocious Lukosius kicking a 70m goal.  The Saints are playing some inspired football at the moment.  Inspired by Ross Lyon who has the team showing his trademark miserly defense and now some real zip in moving the ball forward.  I think the party will keep rolling for the Saints.  Saint Kilda by 18 points.


Sydney vs Port Adelaide              SCG        Saturday Night

I get the feeling that Port isn’t quite as good as their round one match suggested.  A better team on paper and supposedly in practice, and yet Adelaide played with them like a cat plays with a dead mouse.  They were cunningly left on the steps of the Adelaide Oval for the public to accidentally step on and squish between their toes (I’m dragging up moments from my past here…not a fan of cats).  Sydney also turned in a shocker and as this was their first real test for the season, you could say that they failed spectacularly.  In their last two outings at the MCG they’ve registered a total deficit of 131 points.  Expect Sydney to bounce back at home and let’s see the blowtorch turned up on Hinkley.  Sydney by 33 points.


Essendon vs Greater Western Sydney   Marvel Stadium               Sunday Afternoon

Essendon showed some pluck to get the game back on a level footing early in the last quarter, but that’s because the Saints did a Maverick (hit the breaks and let them fly right by) before blowing the Bombers away.  Greater Western Sydney looked to be in control midway through the last when a dissent ruling came out of nowhere, gifting Carlton a goal to get the lead back which they never let go of.  Of course the AFL released their statement afterwards, which should have been brief but took a considerable time to read.  Sometimes I read this stuff, sometimes other stuff.  I recently read a book about the evolution of the erection.  It was pretty good, but in the end, the hero was a bit stiff.  I draw that parallel because Coniglio was a bit stiff too and it would seem that the dissent rule is constantly evolving.  So this week, both teams will have the chance to atone for falling asleep at the wheel and mouthing off respectively and the fact that it is at Marvel Stadium tips this one in Essendon’s favour I think.  Essendon by 15 points.


West Coast vs Melbourne           Optus Stadium  Sunday Afternoon

Melbourne turned on a clinic for their fans, most of whom were at the Grand Prix, which incidentally was great viewing…after all, the starts are the most exciting part and we got two of those in a single race.  Well done Piastri for notching up his first points and well done me for prophesizing Alonso’s 3rd place.  Anyway, the D’s showed that no Gawn means no problems and rolled away with a pleasant 8-goal victory.  West Coasts fortunes could not have been more different.  They had more people go down than…well, lets leave that one alone, shall we?  At one point, I looked towards their bench and saw Murray Wrensted and Paul Peos signing up for a rapid fire draft.  This week, West Coast may be scouring the Footy 9’s competitions for local legends to fill some spots.  Can West Coast beat Melbourne this week?  It’s unlikely especially if you have reserve draftee Doug ‘Shanker’ Sporelli from the Cockburn Crabs trying to out-gun Oliver and Petracca.  Can things get any worse for West Coast?  I’m afraid so.  Melbourne by 84 points.


Geelong vs Hawthorn   MCG      Sunday Twilight

The traditional Easter Monday slot.  A game that has been grand in its giving’s to us over the years.  How quick the historians were to provide us with the nugget of the reigning premiers not starting 0-3 since 1976, but can they get back to me and tell me when was the last time this match up was a bottom of the table clash?  The critics were harsh in their review of Geelong performance.  By Monday night, after listening to all the analysts, I couldn’t figure out how Geelong was going to win a game and I wondered how they won a premiership at all?  I watched some highlights and I can see some pretty harsh internal reviews happening this week.  Have you ever had one of those public dressing downs when you’re held accountable and made aware how you let others down?  I can remember a few (my favourite was the time the coach got into me for listening to the match of the day on the radio rather than his inspirational half-time address). So savage were the reviews and even more will be the internal reviews that you wouldn’t want to come up against them this week.  Hawthorn and its brigade of Millennials will need to be on top of their game to stand a chance here and even then, I’m not sure their top is high enough.  If Geelong goes 0-4 then we can all talk about tanking during the week.  Geelong by 63 points.


Popular posts from this blog

Round 11 AFL Preview

Round 16 AFL Preview

Round 17 AFL Review