Last Week - 6/9 Season Total - 15/27
Brisbane vs Collingwood Gabba Thursday Night
Brisbane turned in a lackluster performance
last week against the desperate dogs and will be keen to get back to the
‘Gabbatoir’ and attempt to give the red hot Pies a mauling. Collingwood on the other hand, dispatched Richmond in the wet. It was always dangerous playing Richmond as I have a
long-held theory that injuries are like a contagious disease. Richmond
like playing unclean football and now due to a lack of hygiene protocols,
Collingwood is without a recognized ruckman for the next few weeks. If only they had a Brodie Grundy they could
call upon!? Instead they will be
plumbing new depths to solve this ruck crisis so don’t be surprised to see an
odd looking homunculus standing in the centre square at bouncedown. They should see if Monkhorst can call in sick
at Hawthorn for the week? I think the
Pies will be pretty good at sharking the ruck, but Brisbane at home is a tall order of its
own. Brisbane by 23 points.
North Melbourne vs Carlton Marvel
Stadium Friday Night
North Melbourne crashed back to earth with a loss to fellow Tasmanian tenants,
Hawthorn. Sounds like it was a smart
move by Clarko to get a different flight as things could have been quite
awkward otherwise. Carlton got up with a fine victory against
GWS on their home patch with the added dissent controversy being a nice side
play to take the focus off people talking about their woeful accuracy. This week, Carlton
will be too strong for North Melbourne, even
if they do welcome back Davies-Unack Davis-Uncl Davros Unclear
LDU who apparently only became aware he had calves on the weekend. Honestly,
muscle awareness is a ridiculous title for withdrawing a player from a
match. Ever watch a newborn baby when
they first discover their hand is part of them?
I can only imagine LDU bending his leg in amazement and perhaps trying
to run away from his own calves until he finally realises he can’t escape. Perhaps I shouldn’t be so harsh. In my own illustrious footy career, I tore my
calf twelve times. If only I knew they
were a part of me, I may have looked after them better. Carlton
by 35 points
Adelaide vs Fremantle Adelaide Oval Saturday
Afternoon
The Showdown and The Derby winners will
face off against each other to determine who is best. It was a great victory by both teams and they
both showed similar storylines by both kicking the last 6 goals of their
respective matches. Hang on, what am I
uncovering here? The last 6 goals, a
goal is worth 6 points, neither team had #18 playing for them, which is 6+6+6
(or 666 – the number of the beast). I
smell a grand conspiracy here. I’m
turning off my 5G and moving at least 15 minutes out of the city before this
match starts. Adelaide by 22 points.
And it will be a forlorn Fremantle for Fyfe’s fiddly fasciitis (forgetting Frederick’s fancy flip).
Richmond vs
Western Bulldogs MCG Saturday Afternoon
Richmond had more injuries last week than a busload of losing MMA
fighters. If not for some inaccurate
Pies the game would have been closed out by quarter time. But they were let in and, although not really
threatening, they did make the game more interesting to watch. Readers will note I picked the winner and the
margin in that one – but please don’t level that kind of analysis at ALL my
tips! Actually you CAN level that kind
of analysis at one more game. I did tip
the winner and margin in the Bulldogs game too…if you don’t count Ugle Hagan’s
after-the-siren goal. As we learnt from
the week before, events that happen after the siren are kind of a grey area in
the rules anyway. I liked that Ugle
Hagan got out in the press conference too.
Letting his thoughts known about the ugliness the week before and
generally, I think having a player at the table with the coach makes the
pressers a bit more interesting. But, to
this weeks game and Richmond will get some of their cattle back, but maybe
Footscrays win was one of those ‘catalysts’ a season needs. I like Dogs in this one, but not
confidently. W. Bulldogs by 8.
Saint Kilda vs Gold Coast Marvel Stadium Saturday Night
Fresh from a celebration of 150 years for
the club and a nice win to boot which puts them on top of the ladder means that
everything is just peachy down at Moorabbin.
It was great to see the likes of Winmar and Lockett be able to celebrate
the club milestone. These were footy
stars when I was growing up. I can still
remember watching with awe on the TV when Lockett kicked 16.0 against Fitzroy
(albeit while playing for Sydney). Gold Coast gave premiers, Geelong a whipping and consigned them to the
foot of the ladder as the only team winless for 2023. Gold Coast looked pretty good and had some
party tricks with a precocious Lukosius kicking a 70m goal. The Saints are playing some inspired football
at the moment. Inspired by Ross Lyon who
has the team showing his trademark miserly defense and now some real zip in
moving the ball forward. I think the
party will keep rolling for the Saints. Saint
Kilda by 18 points.
Sydney vs Port Adelaide SCG Saturday Night
I get the feeling that Port isn’t quite as
good as their round one match suggested.
A better team on paper and supposedly in practice, and yet Adelaide played with them
like a cat plays with a dead mouse. They
were cunningly left on the steps of the Adelaide Oval for the public to
accidentally step on and squish between their toes (I’m dragging up moments
from my past here…not a fan of cats). Sydney also turned in a
shocker and as this was their first real test for the season, you could say
that they failed spectacularly. In their
last two outings at the MCG they’ve registered a total deficit of 131
points. Expect Sydney to bounce back at home and let’s see
the blowtorch turned up on Hinkley. Sydney
by 33 points.
Essendon vs Greater Western
Sydney Marvel Stadium Sunday Afternoon
Essendon showed some pluck to get the game
back on a level footing early in the last quarter, but that’s because the
Saints did a Maverick (hit the breaks and let them fly right by) before blowing
the Bombers away. Greater Western Sydney
looked to be in control midway through the last when a dissent ruling came out
of nowhere, gifting Carlton a goal to get the lead back which they never let go
of. Of course the AFL released their
statement afterwards, which should have been brief but took a considerable time
to read. Sometimes I read this stuff,
sometimes other stuff. I recently read a
book about the evolution of the erection.
It was pretty good, but in the end, the hero was a bit stiff. I draw that parallel because Coniglio was a
bit stiff too and it would seem that the dissent rule is constantly
evolving. So this week, both teams will
have the chance to atone for falling asleep at the wheel and mouthing off
respectively and the fact that it is at Marvel Stadium tips this one in
Essendon’s favour I think. Essendon
by 15 points.
West Coast vs Melbourne Optus
Stadium Sunday Afternoon
Melbourne turned on a clinic for their fans, most of whom were at the Grand
Prix, which incidentally was great viewing…after all, the starts are the most
exciting part and we got two of those in a single race. Well done Piastri for notching up his first
points and well done me for prophesizing Alonso’s 3rd place. Anyway, the D’s showed that no Gawn means no
problems and rolled away with a pleasant 8-goal victory. West Coasts fortunes could not have been more
different. They had more people go down
than…well, lets leave that one alone, shall we?
At one point, I looked towards their bench and saw Murray Wrensted and Paul Peos signing up for
a rapid fire draft. This week, West
Coast may be scouring the Footy 9’s competitions for local legends to fill some
spots. Can West Coast beat Melbourne this week? It’s unlikely especially if you have reserve
draftee Doug ‘Shanker’ Sporelli from the Cockburn Crabs trying to out-gun
Oliver and Petracca. Can things get any
worse for West Coast? I’m afraid
so. Melbourne by 84 points.
Geelong vs
Hawthorn MCG Sunday Twilight
The traditional Easter Monday slot. A game that has been grand in its giving’s to
us over the years. How quick the
historians were to provide us with the nugget of the reigning premiers not
starting 0-3 since 1976, but can they get back to me and tell me when was the
last time this match up was a bottom of the table clash? The critics were harsh in their review of Geelong performance. By Monday night, after listening to all the
analysts, I couldn’t figure out how Geelong
was going to win a game and I wondered how they won a premiership at all? I watched some highlights and I can see some
pretty harsh internal reviews happening this week. Have you ever had one of those public
dressing downs when you’re held accountable and made aware how you let others
down? I can remember a few (my favourite
was the time the coach got into me for listening to the match of the day on the
radio rather than his inspirational half-time address). So savage were the
reviews and even more will be the internal reviews that you wouldn’t want to
come up against them this week. Hawthorn
and its brigade of Millennials will need to be on top of their game to stand a
chance here and even then, I’m not sure their top is high enough. If Geelong
goes 0-4 then we can all talk about tanking during the week. Geelong
by 63 points.
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