Round 11 AFL Preview
Last Week 6/9 Season Total 65/90
Soooo much stuff happens week to week. When I wrote last week, Clarkson and Hardwick were still coaching their teams and not even a week later, they are not. But I might park the specific footy commentary until I preview the games to talk about another subject, a bit more personal.
I went to bed on Thursday night with a giddy feeling in my tummy about the upcoming weekend of footy matches, knowing that I just had to push through a few hours of work first. I woke at 5am and the giddy feeling had turned to a slight uncomfortableness which then gave way to searing pain. My time had come, I was going to pass this kidney stone now. By the time I got to hospital, I was ambivalent over the receiving of treatment or deliverance from pain through firing squad. Luckily, the Emergency Department was quiet, and they got me in straight away. After 8 different people asked me the same questions eight times, they said the magic words. “Let’s get you some relief.” The nurse arrived with a few tablets and a suppository. “This apparently works well. Would you like me to put it in or will you do it yourself?” I appreciate their commitment but thought I’d give them a break and said I’d handle it. She gave me the suppository and a glove and left.
Putting in a suppository is not a natural thing to me, and I would say I was a bit clumsy. It wasn’t overly big but with much effort, concentration and well…brute force, I got it in. Promptly, the nurse returned.
“Here’s the lube,” she said in a disgustingly carefree way.
They say passing a kidney stone is the male version of childbirth. I’m not an expert in that, and it sounds like the sort of thing a male would say just to get a rise from a female. However, when the stone finally did come out, I took it home, named it, swaddled it, and showed it off as proudly as my other children. I don’t know the gestational period but Keith (the Rolling stone), must be a teenager because he just lies around all day and is mostly unresponsive in conversations.
Sydney vs Carlton SCG Friday Night
the loss last week should bring more heat on Voss and the week was panning out
that way. The media are doing their job
and had camped out in the bushes outside the
Saint Kilda vs Hawthorn Marvel Stadium Saturday Afternoon
The two big talking points from these
teams’ matches on the weekend just gone are the third book in Tolkien’s Lord of
the Rings (The Return of the King), in the case of Saint Kilda and the ease in
which Hawthorn dispatched West Coast in the case of Hawthorn. For Saint Kilda, they welcomed back their big
man up front, and he dealt some early blows to GWS to get them over the line,
but the coach admits he needs a fellowship around him for sustained
success. It is much harder to get a
gauge on Hawthorn based on the condition of their opponent. While they won the match, did they really win
anything? Really? Effectively all they did that day was remove
the talk about tanking around them.
Saint Kilda will go into this match as warm favourites, despite the
confidence that Hawthorn will have after dodging the bollards that were on the
field down in Launceston. Saint Kilda
will walk away with this one and Hawthorn just need to focus this year on
weathering the off-field controversy. A
media amnesty will exist this week while they deal with the aftermath of
Dimma’s exit, but with the Hawthorn saga now being taken behind closed doors
and under Gillon’s control, the media will soon become outraged at their lack
of access / transparency and the scrutiny will become worse than ever. Saint Kilda by 31 points.
Geelong were shown up on the weekend
proving that playing teams ranked 10th or less is no way to prepare
for a team itching to get in the 8. This
is not going to be a good year for GWS who will just need to battle through and
be content with just missing the finals by a couple of games. This week, the Cats return to their own
litter box and dare say it will be a space too small to fit the Giants in.
Gold Coast vs Footscray TIO Stadium Saturday Night
Gold Coast have been playing some good
footy of late. They didn’t quite have
what it takes to get over
West Coast vs Essendon
Essendon produced a Lazarus, dare I say,
Collingwood-style comeback in the dying minutes to ice a 1-point victory over
Just what Port Adelaide needed. Here they were rolling along nicely on a
7-win streak and their next opponents’ coach up and leaves making it a surety
I’m reliably told that after a coach
replacement (since 2012), there have been 5 victories out of 12 matches the
following week. While that sounds like a
low number, consider that these teams were generally always losing, hence the
replacement, and it’s a solid statistic.
Collingwood inflicted further pain on their
world galactic universe record for intercept
marks and probably took out the congeniality crown too. At least for 24 hours until the judges
stepped in and asked for a recount and reset him to just tie for the record. Meanwhile, Nick Daicos sent shivers through
the betting fraternity with a love tap on Blake Acres, but the tribunal gave it
the semi-ok and restored order. However,
I note he was labelled with his full name “Nicholas” which is a common
formality that Collingwood players are often afforded when confronted by a jury
of their peers. On the surface this
should be straight forward and has been consigned to the Sunday Afternoon
timeslot appropriate to its entertainment value. But I’m tipping that Collingwood will be a
bit complacent in this one and enable a small rest period before tackling the
back half of the season. Remember,
We have to wait until the end of the
weekend for the match of the round. The
last time The Lions visited the Adelaide Oval they were savaged by a Network of
Power Poles. This time they meet a Murder
of Crows who can often be found perched atop those Power Poles (ever get too
deep into your collective nouns that you can’t back out)? Anyway,
As a bookend note to this preview, I should discuss the first time I passed a kidney stone. I was in a small country town and was taken to the hospital, which was more like a nursing post. I knew it was a kidney stone and told the doctor so. I produced a set of pristine X-rays, taken a few days earlier, which clearly showed the stone glowing in all its glory and a report from the radiologist describing the dimensions and position of the stone in great detail and in bold letters, the report said it would likely pass soon. I presented all of this compelling evidence to the doctor there who looked it over and promptly said, “Could be your prostate,” and shoved two fingers up my clacker! I should have protested, but I was in so much pain, I was happy for anything to take my mind off it. It turns out the old doctor was a retired proctologist and in his bag of diagnostic tools, a prostate exam was his 1-Wood. Broken Arm…prostate exam, conjunctivitis…prostate exam. I hope he used a glove, but I’ll never know. Being a very small country town, they didn’t have the drugs to help. I would have been better off to be taken to the local horse vet…they have ketamine, but on reflection, I’ve seen their diagnostic methodology before and they don’t usually stop at 2-fingers!
Keep your fluids up and good luck with the tips.