Round 8 AFL Preview

Last Week 7/9     Season Total 45/63

It’s been a big week for the AFL.  Finally, a new AFL CEO has been appointed.  It’s funny that a year-long comprehensive and global search, leaving no stone unturned to find the absolute best possible person out of the 7.9 billion people on the planet, finds out the best person was in the office next door.  It’s hardly surprising really.  Allegedly in interviews, Dillon simply said he was a lawyer, and you have some legal issues coming up and when they interviewed Gary Quan, rice farmer from outback Vietnam, he was a little hesitant presenting his 5-year vision for the business transformation of the game.  I blew my interview when quizzed on my internet history.  Apparently, my cookies show that the same team always wins when I do the ladder predictor, and this ruled me out. 

 But, is anyone else suspicious of the replacement of Gillon with Dillon.  Is this a play by the media so they can simply roll out the same old stories from the last 5 years without doing a Search and Replace?  Caroline Wilson is on record from Footy Classified (this is true) with the quote “Powerful People are working behind the scenes as we speak…” And “Gillon will act as Consiglieri.”  So, it seems, according to Caroline at least, the AFL is now run by either The Mafia, Illuminati or Lizard People from another galaxy.  Some of the AFL decisions may make more sense in that light?

 The other big news of the week was the unanimous vote and delivery of the 19th AFL license to create new AFL and AFLW teams out of Tasmania.  It’s been a long time coming and the fact that the decision was unanimous really speaks to the alignment that the Illuminati have in their grand plans to sell the Earth’s resources to the Lizard People…wait, what!?  Seriously though, I’m looking forward to going and watching a game or two in Tassie in the future and the biggest question now is, what will the team be called?  Consensus is they will be the Tassie Devils but somehow Warner Brothers bought the rights to that name to help sell cartoons to kids so no doubt negotiations will be taking place behind the scenes by powerful people to secure the name.  Maybe they will have to trade naming rights to the stadium…Bugs Bunny Stadium?  Suffering Succotash!

The 19th team has created concern amongst the great unwashed on the need for a bye (although I remind everyone that we have a bye already).  The AFL should know that prime numbers never work well for fixturing.  A number of people have already proposed that there should be a 3rd team from WA.  I guess anything would be better than what they have at the moment!

 Anyway, what’s happening in the matches this week?

Carlton vs Brisbane         Marvel Stadium               Friday Night

Carlton made minced meat of West Coast on their home patch.  It was merely a training run for Carlton who were able to deliver Charlie Curnow a delightful 9-goal haul.  Some Carlton supporting friends of mine described it as a “good night.”  Meeting Brisbane will be a very different experience though.  Brisbane continued their winning inertia after a win against lack-lustre Fremantle.  However, Brisbane have been a bit fortunate with the draw, only facing the well-regarded teams at home so this could be their first real test.  That being said, I think Brisbane has much slicker ball movement than Carlton (Docherty excepted) and expect them to get the chocolates.  Brisbane by 18 points.


Richmond vs West Coast              MCG      Saturday Afternoon

Richmond has a bad night against Gold Coast and remarkably sits at just a single win (and a half) for the season.  The media wolves have started to circle Hardwick who still remains upbeat and somewhat positive about Richmond’s chances.  Let’s be honest, 1.5 wins is not much better than West Coast.  Speaking of which, the media wolves are not only circling Simmo now, they are starting to take a few test-nips.  I’m not really sure what the guy can do though.  This week he has to fly every fit player he has over to the MCG.  I believe the flight will have more support staff than players.  My advice to anyone in Melbourne that is keen, is to get along to Young and Jacksons pre-game and bring your boots, you might be lucky enough to have Simmo pop in on a quick recruiting drive.  This looms as an important battle with the heat of failure ratcheting up on the loser.  I think Simmo can absorb a bit more heat so it will be Richmond by 45 points in this one.


Geelong vs Adelaide     Kardinia Park     Saturday Afternoon

Hawkins kicked a bag of 8 goals to steer Geelong home against Essendon last week.  Geelong is looking a little better than at the start of the season but still are yet to prove themselves against red-hot competition on neutral territory.  This game is at Kardinia Park where Geelong has 8 of their last 16 games located.  The cigar-shaped ground is a perfect metaphor for that victory tradition and Cats supporters will be able smoke one after the Cats smoke Adelaide.  Adelaide faces an uphill battle.  After a heart-breaking loss against the Pies, Adelaide needs to work against some powerful and dark magic to break a curse that Damien Barrett concocted this week.  It seems that if you lose to Collingwood, more than likely you lose the next week.  Barrett certainly painted it as some kind of Saruman style wizardry.  Maybe it’s the Large Hadron Collider or maybe, just maybe, it’s the fixture.  That is usually put together with some eye of newt.  Anyway, the trend will continue, and Barrett will make every effort to write a few more stories about it.  Geelong by 30 points.


Gold Coast vs Melbourne            Carrara Saturday Afternoon

Gold Coast put together a good game against Richmond last week.  Even on their home turf though, this week they’ll need to elevate a few more grades to get over Melbourne who effortlessly swept aside North Melbourne.  This win was kind of lost against the backdrop of Carlton’s big win and Curnow’s 9-goals, but Melbourne is ticking along quite nicely and now sit in second spot with the highest percentage.  Despite their luck in having to play the triple entente of Hawthorn, West Coast and North Melbourne 5 out of a possible maximum of 6 matches they continue to smash teams into oblivion.  Gold Coast will also succumb to the Demon talents.  Melbourne by 28 points.


GWS vs W. Bulldogs       Manuka Oval     Saturday Night

This match is at Manuka Oval and to me this just seems like some kind of cruel and unusual punishment.  To schedule this game at night when temperatures are forecast to get down to 0 is just mean.  I’ve seen it before, in fact I’ve experienced it.  You need to drink at least 6 beers to numb yourself from the cold and then you wee your pants just to keep warm.  But beware, you have to get up and move around before you freeze yourself to a seat.  This match is either punishment or a testament to human capacity for misery.  This game could go either way.  Time to stake a flag in the yellow snow.  Footscray by 12 points.  Unless there is a last gasp effort by Toby again.


Fremantle vs Hawthorn                                Perth Stadium   Saturday Night

No bones about it, this is an important game for Freo.  The media wolves are starting to circle (they’ve been doing that a lot this week). And what was built as a promising season has all but slipped away now.  Hawthorn have been better in recent weeks than earlier in the season with young players throwing caution to the wind and playing some relatively exciting football.  The home turf of Perth Stadium offers little places to hide for Hawthorn though and Fremantle will be dialing the defibrillator up to maximum to resurrect their season before writing it off this week.  Fremantle by 21 points.


Port Adelaide vs Essendon          Adelaide Oval   Sunday Afternoon

Essendon started off the season well and then hit Collingwood and Geelong in a double-hammer blow that sent them tumbling out of the top 8.  Things don’t get any easier this week when coming up against a resurged Port Adelaide in the comfort of their own home.  In fact, beating Port at Adelaide Oval hasn’t been in the Essendon repertoire sinch 2018, which was the last time they beat Port Adelaide at all.  The only thing that could possibly assist Essendon in this one is complacency on the part of Port Adelaide.  However, I think they are unlikely to let this one slip as they try to muscle in on the top 4.  Port Adelaide by 28 points.


Collingwood vs Sydney                 MCG      Sunday Afternoon

As that old saying goes…revenge is a dish best served by staff writers looking to make stories out of nothing.  Look, I’m sure that Collingwood can use last years Preliminary final as a bit of motivation for this game, but the reality of Revenge is a far cry from a round 8 match up.  Sydney will be smarting after dropping the match against GWS.  I for one had turned it off, thinking it was a foregone conclusion only to find that some Toby Greene magic had flipped the match (and improving my tips).  Sydney will be looking to exploit the Magpies on the wide expanses of the MCG…and they’ll tag Daicos.  Collingwood launched a trademark come from behind victory to sink the Crows in the dying seconds.  A narrative is starting to form centered mostly around self-fulling prophecies which is squarely in the same bag as magic.  But when you really dive into it, there is no magic, no mystery.  It can probably be put down to fitness.  If you look back at three-quarter-time deficits, most of them are less than a goal, which you almost wouldn’t say is a deficit.  Sure, some of them are from a bit further back, but rarely against the top sides.  So, what does this mean for the game on Sunday?  Both teams have some injury issues, but the most remarkable thing about this match up is its location.  In the AFL’s drive to promote football in NSW, this is the first time this match up has happened in Victoria in 10 years!  Looks like someone forgot to add the newt eye during the fixturing process.  Not that a game that long ago is relevant, but Sydney won that one by a comfortable 8 goals. So, these two teams, meeting up at the MCG puts us in uncharted territory.  To pull a result out of thin air, let’s say Collingwood by 3 points (from behind of course).


North Melbourne vs St Kilda      Marvel Stadium               Sunday Twilight

You know when you’ve been doing a lot of work and running around all day, and you still have lots to do but decide to take a 2-minute break by sitting down on the couch to watch some footy.  Then your partner walks in and you’ve kind of settled into a position that would only look more complete with a couple of half-crushed, empty beer cans on the side table, a few deceased and haphazardly discarded chip packets with accompanying crumbs down your front and evidence of unslurped saliva rolling out of your mouth.  You get a look that can only be interpreted as, “You lazy little…”  Not sure why I bring all that up, but my Sunday afternoon is planned.  St Kilda by 34 points.


Popular posts from this blog

Round 11 AFL Preview

Round 16 AFL Preview

Round 17 AFL Review