Round 16 Preview

Last Week           4/7           Season Total      87/128

I’ve recently had ankle surgery and I’m writing this way back in the past for you to read now, in the future?  Am I a time traveler?  No.  If I were I would have won, the lottery by now and be writing this from Nassau after going back so far in time I didn’t tear a tendon.  I also reckon my tips would be much better.  Anyhow, as a result of writing this three weeks ago, I don’t know anything that’s happened since then and need to rely on my cunning and guile, of which I have none, so this is what they call in the industry a crapshoot.

Port Adelaide vs Carlton              Adelaide Oval   Thursday Night

Back in the past, I’m assuming these two teams are still no good.  But Port Adelaide have benefited from a run of home games, this being their third in a row.  I’m assuming they won all of those and the media will be talking up a storm that they are back in calculations.  But they are not really.  Similarly, Carlton have just come off playing all the bottom of the ladder and are being heralded as “Back” in the media in an attempt to stop members from microwaving their memberships and reducing the number of house fires along Drummond St.  Port Adelaide by 15 points.

Sydney vs Footscray       SCG        Friday Night

Back in the past, Footscray just had their bye and Sydney just got crushed by Adelaide.  Since then, looking at my crystal ball, their fortunes have been mixed.  Three weeks ago, this makes this game hard to pick.  Did Sydney get their troops back during that time?  Are Footscray still on a tear?  What I would give for a real time machine about now.  Ah, what am I talking about?  With my luck I’d completely miss Weena and get eaten by a Morlock.  Footscray by 19 points.

Gold Coast vs Melbourne            Carrara Saturday Afternoon

In the past, I’m predicting that Gold Coasts honeymoon is over.  After a very soft first half of the season, they are now grappling with staying in the 8 after losses to Geelong and GWS.  Meanwhile, Melbourne, after losses to Collingwood and Port Adelaide, are back in disaster mode.  Gold Coast by 26 points.

Hawthorn vs North Melbourne York Park             Saturday Afternoon

From the past I can only assume that Hawthorn has not turned their season around yet.  After losses to Footscray and Adelaide they are lucky they get North in one of the few remaining Tasmanian Derbies?  Which brings me to a point in the far future, my next stop in my time travelling ways.  When there are two teams in Tassie, given we have the Western Derby, the Showdown, The Q-Clash and the Battle of the Bridge, what will the Tasmanian one be called?  Protocol suggests the Tassie Tussle or the Vie for Van Diemen’s Land.  Personally, although really contentious, I think we could come up with a play on the ‘Map of Tassie’ colloquialism.  Hawthorn by 45 points.

Collingwood vs West Coast         Marvel Stadium               Saturday Night

It can be hard sometimes to see the future from the past.  But not that hard.  Collingwood by 56 points.  To be fair, I should give this encounter a bit more gravitas.  If it were at the MCG, the margin would be way worse.

Richmond vs Adelaide  MCG      Sunday Afternoon

Here in the past, I can live a care free existence without the worries of thinking about matches like this.  Adelaide by 27 points.

Fremantle vs Saint Kilda              Perth Stadium   Sunday Twilight

Here is a chance for Freo to get one back on St Kilda after they had their pants pulled down earlier in the season.  But that was the match that changed the course of Freo’s season so maybe they should be thankful.  Not bloody likely.  Past me can see REVENGE.  Fremantle by 32 points.

Byes
Sorry to say but Byes bring out the worst in me.
A fact that, if you read on, you will plainly see.
Lucky for you, this is the last one in the schedule
Good news for me too as I can stop with all the Red Bull 

Brisbane
The year before they started the season wallowing in 1^st gear
And to get themselves motoring it took half the bloody year
But this time they’re winning a lot despite not playing well
The back half of this season might have a familiar smell 

With Daniher departed they, they now rely on others
Like Hipwood and Gardiner and the skillful Ashcroft brothers
So long as I don’t have to hear another Brisbane goal song
It’s enough to put me in a coma or reach for the bloody bong

Geelong
The Cats are building nicely, they’re always in the hunt
I can think of a lot of words that rhyme here, but can’t get past just one
So instead, I’ll take a different tact and discuss their player payments
If it takes a legal turn there’d be seventeen other claimants

But on the field, everything seems to be coming up roses
With Bailey Smith tweeting what they put up each others’ noses
Dangerfield is reliable, he’s turning back the clock
If I wouldn’t say the other one, why would I say cock?

Essendon
It’s been so many years since their struggle with the peptides
Injuries are so frequent now, they’d consider taking Lanthanides
What a silly thing to say, who’d consider injecting Terbium?
You’d be better with an actinide, like flaming Protactinium.

But seriously kids don’t go injecting things without the doctors orders
If you live to tell the tale, it would be to the jailhouse warders
Sorry for the diversion but Essendon have been boring
It’s all about their injuries which prohibit them from scoring

GWS
The season started in a flash and showed a lot of promise
But they fell away so quickly I became a doubting Thomas
It was sad to see the moment when Callan’s ACL went pop
Will it define their season?  Will their winning ever stop?

Like many I had this team as a lock-in flag fancy
But they’re playing less like Sid and more like his squeeze Nancy
Can they turn it round?  I guess we’ll soon find out
And since I tipped them, I’d be happy to buy the beers, Hey, it’s my shout!