Round 17 Preview

Last Week           7/7           Season Total      94/135

It’s my second week in pugatory as I recover from ankle surgery so I am firing up the time machine to travel forward in time to see what’s cooking on the AFL calendar (I’ve written this before Round 14). 

A considerable sense of relief accompanies the conclusion of the Bye’s. We now proceed with determining the final eight. I adhere strictly to the rule of not utilizing the time machine for future travel beyond what is absolutely necessary, and I abstain from seeking information that could be financially advantageous. My concern about creating a paradox leads me to avoid causing harm during my time travels, except in the case of Schrödinger's cats. The principle behind this whole time travel malarkey is that once one observes the future or opens the box, the waveform collapses, thereby altering the future. Therefore, here are a few predictions we are certain will not materialize, at least not within this multiverse.

North Melbourne vs Footscray  Marvel Stadium               Thursday Night

I give North Melbourne a modicum of chance in this one, and as was once said by Louis Pasteur and again by that bad guy in Under Seige 2: Dark Territory, “Chance favours the prepared mind.”  But then Steven Segal killed that bad guy anyway, as will Footscray.  Footscray by 24 points.

Carlton vs Collingwood MCG      Friday Night

One thing you can guarantee about the future is that there are rivals.  And here are two good ones.  I see myself in the future as this match starts, lying on the couch, making unreasonable demands of my wife for beer and chips, mixing those beers with strong painkillers, falling asleep at quarter time and waking to find my wife has written rude words on my face in permanent marker.  A good night had by all.  Collingwood by 27 points.

West Coast vs GWS        Perth Stadium   Friday Night

Looking at the future I see that GWS have found their mojo again and put in a dominant perfomance against West Coast this week who are now searching for the end of the season.  GWS by 46 points.

Essendon vs Gold Coast                                Marvel Stadium               Saturday Afternoon

The return game of the match we never had.  This week it will be revealed that the rumours are true and this game will be worth 8 points to avoid having to squeeze in the other match anywhere in the calendar.  This will make footy statisticians and footy tipping software writers everywhere explode in rage.  AFL execs will be the first to the wall when the revolution comes.  Gold Coast by 11 points.

Geelong vs Richmond   Kardinia Park     Saturday Afternoon

The first of two matches against Richmond in 7 weeks.  Both of them will be the same…I didn’t even need to go to the future for this one.  Geelong by 38 points.

Brisbane vs Port Adelaide           Gabba   Saturday Night

This match will be seen as Hinkleys defiant last stand.  Brisbane have now started firing up for their Grand Final defence and one man stands in their way.  Well…22 men and one sub.  No, not a submarine, a substitute.  The future is weird man.  Brisbane by 23 points.

Saint Kilda vs Hawthorn               Marvel Stadium               Saturday Night

What a marvellous night for a Moondance.  With stars up above in your eyes.  Nice song, but you won’t see any of that in a closed roof at Marvel Stadium.  These are the kinds of matches you travel to the future to find out about because right now both teams form is a bit sketchy.  It’s a shame time travel is impossible…or is it?  Hawthorn by 9 points.

Sydney vs Fremantle     SCG        Sunday Afternoon

It’s nice to come to the future and see Sydney have some of their talent back on the park.  Fremantle have a nasty habit of upsetting Sydney here at the SCG though.  It feels weird to travel to the future and look up past history to determine this one.  I feel a paradox coming on.  Fremantle by 6 points.

Adelaide vs Melbourne                                Adelaide Oval   Sunday Twilight

This is the second time Melbourne has been back here in a few weeks.  Why can’t the AFL not give them a nice schedule like they give to Geelong and Collingwood.  You don’t even get that many frequent flyer points for that trip.  It’s also in the opposite direction to the ski fields for the fans to come over.  They wouldn’t want to see this anyway.  But they’ll miss be missing out.  The future tells me that May, Lever and Turner vs Thilthorp, Fogarty and Walker will be worth the watch.  Pickett vs Rankine will be a delight.  Adelaide by 7 points.

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